Percakapan di UGD Bedah

Perhatian! Buat yang ga kuat darah dan jantung lemah, dilarang baca postingan ini. Buahahahaha. *lebay ah*


Jadi situasinya begini.

Sekumpulan koas yang lagi jaga ugd bedah, entah uda jam berapa malem,
ada yang masih sibuk dengan pasiennya,
ada yang duduk2 nempel dekat dengan para residen *eh*,
ada yang mabur ke luar ugd *baca: istirahat*,
dan ada yg duduk2 ngaso dikit bentar di meja keramik tempel di dalem ugd.

sebenarnya ada tulisan "dilarang duduk di sini", but who cares?
hehe.
*saking isengnya, gw pernah foto di bawah tulisan itu, duduk dan bikin tanda victory*

Gw termasuk yang kemudian ikutan ngaso sama adek kelas gw, di keramik itu.
Terus lagi asik2nya ngobrol, adek kelas gw ini, nunjuk ke arah sebelah kiri gw.

Adik kelas:"Itu jempol siapa sih?"

(Jadi ada sebuah jempol kaki *ya, literally JEMPOL* dengan kondisi 3/4 dari seharusnya dan ditaruh di atas kain kasa. kuku nya masih ada ko.)

Gw: "Oh, itu punya bapak yang itu. dia traumatic amputee*. tadi jempol nya dikantongin pas di bawa ke sini."

Adik kelas: "Ooo...."

Gw dan adik kelas: *lanjut ngobrol lagi*

Dateng lagi satu orang.

Adik kelas 2: "Ih, itu jempol sapa sih?"

Adik kelas 1: "punya bapak yang itu."

Adik kelas 2: "Ooo... Tutupin yah. masa kebuka gini."
*sambil ngelipet si kasa*


Gw, adik kelas 1, dan adik kelas 2 lanjut ngobrol.

Ga lama, dateng satu lagi, dan tanpa babibu, langsung mau duduk di deket tempat jempol berada.

Spontan si adik kelas 1 dan adik kelas 2:
"EEEEH, HATI2 JANGAN DIDUDUKIN! ADA JEMPOL DI SITU!!"


Well,
called us, med students, a bunch of combinations of freak + psycho.
hehehe.


*traumatic amputee: bagian tubuh langsung terpotong di tempat kejadian karena mekanisme kecelakaan/trauma.

Kalau lagi sedih+galau....

nulis lagi aaah.

postingan terakir gw pas 5 januari. skrg uda april aja. berapa bulan tuh? yang jelas itu ditulis pas gw abis lulus bagian mata dan skrg... uda beres koas. hehehe.

kalo liat2 ke belakang, kayanya tulisan gw sgt formal, atau mellow2, atau serius2 ga jelas gtu. sigh. sudahlah. anggap aja itu periode2 galau. *kaya skrg ga aja.

ngomong2 galau, entah kenapa itu kata kayanya baru2 ini trend *well, ga inget sejak kapan sih, tp kayanya mulai tahun lalu* tapi kata itu cocok sih buat mendeskripsikan suatu keadaan dimana tiba2 lo mellow atau sedih krn suatu alasan yg ga jelaas *baca: malu bilangnya ke orang lain* dan ga penting. tapi ya pokonya lo jadi melankolis deh!

di sini gw mau share ajah, apa yg sebaiknya dilakukan kalau lagi beneran galau+sedih+patah hati atau apapun lah yang namanya itu. *yang dibawah ini di luar berdoa dan bersyukur yah, karena kedua hal ini paliiing wajib dilakuin, di masalah apapun yg lo punya*

1. Go get someone to talk to
percayalah, terkadang lo mang butuh sendiri, tapi yang namanya masalah ga bakal enak kalo dipendem. dan sini akan lebih bagus kalo kita memilih orangnya secara bijak. bijak versi gw adalah dia mau mendengarkan lo dengan sepenuh hati. ga perlu kasih solusi yang bagus. yah, tp sukur2 kalo ada. apalagi kalo bisa bikin lo ketawa.

kalo gw sih, berhubung gw mana-tahan-sendirian, biasanya gw akan cerita minimal ke salah satu(atau dua) dari4 sobat gw yg paling deket. nanti yang lain baru menyusul. dan pilih2 masalah juga, ada yg emang lebih oke cerita ke nyokap, ke keluarga, ke si A, atau ke si B...

2. Tahan diri di social network site
Sodara2, kalo lagi galau dan sedih, apalagi merasa ga bisa cerita ke siapa2, plis atulah tahan itu jempolnya buat nyampah di twitter atau facebook. namanya jg social network, apalagi facebook yah, yang baca itu bisa mulai dari yang tahu nama lo doang di sekolah, atau temen sekelompok lo yg lo ga suka, atau sapapun. ibaratnya lo curhat depan kelas pake TOA atau di tengah2 lapangan sekolah. euh.

bole2 aja sih. mang godaannya besar buat nyampah, apalagi marah2. tapi ya satu-dua status jg cukup, dan akan lebih baik kata2nya dikontrol spy tidak terlalu terliat seperti drama queen. tiap orang sih beda2, tp kalo gw pikir, yah malu lah. ga semua orang bisa ngerti kesedihan lo kan... buat apa ngumbar..

3. Cari yang lucu2
.... main2 lah ke SMA atau mall buat cuci mata. Hahaha. *edisi tante girang* bukaaaan itu maksudnyaaa. hehehe. maksud gw nonton dvd film yang lo suka dan bergenre komedi, baca komik yg lucu, atau buka2 kaskus cari yg humor2 atau buka blog orang yg konyol2, apapun lah. selama itu bisa bikin ketawa. walopun abis itu, mungkin si sedih akan menyerang lagi, tapi yang gw rasain, laughing for a while, will lift your mood even a little :)


4. Tumpahin aja!!
apanya nih? hehe. air mata tentu saja. ada yg pernah bilang, air mata itu unspokenable words. keluarin aja, keras2 kalo mau puas, basahin tuh bantal dan seprei, monggo. tapiiii, ya cukup pas awalnya aja. jangan tiap malem kaya begono. kasian tuh si mata dibikin bengkak. abis puas nangis, ketawa, trus janji kalo itu cuma buat sekali aja. okey ;)


5. Go get sunshine!
jangan ngejogrok di tempat tidur. selimutan. matiin lampu. terus ngelanjutin kegiatan no.4. coba itu nyalain lampu kamar, buka jendela dan lebih bagus kalo kita nya keluar kamar. cari sinar matahari. cari kegiatan. apapun itu, dont trap yourself in gloomy and dark condition. sinar yang terang itu bisa ngurangin rasa depresif lho.


apalagi ya?
hehehe.
semua share dari pengalaman pribadi aja ko *alias curcol*

kalo ada yg ga setuju atau kurang berkenan juga gapapa. hehehe.

Lift yourself up, dear!

Okay, so in this week I'm gonna pass an eyes department (amin!), which is the 12th department of my clinical rotation.

And I have only two more departments to go, (eventhough one of them is surgery dept.).

Did I ever say that I'm already in my saturated point? It's really hard to push up my self to study regularly like before and make me interest to follow the daily routines in clinics :|

But I know, somehow, someday,
I'm gonna miss my clinical rotation.

I'm gonna miss the hospital,
I'm gonna miss the togetherness with my friends,
I'm gonna miss these times when the loads and works still could be shared up,
I'm gonna miss these moments when the responsibilities haven't yet too big to handle.

Well, I know I shouldn't linger around too long in this condition,
I have to learn to lift my self up, no matter how bored I am actually.

Because the road is still a long way (and won't be easier, of course) to go..
Sent from BlackBerry® on 3

The non-existence

You such a chemotherapy. You helped me - in one of the darkest times in my life. But u gave me very unfavorable side effects which I had to endured by my self. And you already left. Totally.

I could only sense your presence in virtual world, and when it happened, I became reminded when you weren't a stranger to me, and it kinda make me sad, because now we already back into the same level before we know each other, stranger. Plus the awkwardness between us, that of course couldn't be broken, unless you want it.

I feel the urge to make you become "the non-existence" for me. Erasing every single trace that could lead me back to reach you.


Sent from BlackBerry® on 3

Deep talk at night shift.

What could be more relieving than a wise friend to listen and talk to you when you really need to get out "mass" that stucks in your head?

Let's say that there are statements in my head recently. It hadn't come out from thinking just about few days, but rather as the result of all the processes which happened to me since years ago.

I'm thinking that If I dont meet someone who really good and like I want, I dont want to be married. Best or nothing. I even become reluctant to open my heart again for someone, when there's no guarantee at all that I wont get hurt again.Here are the situation: I really could handle the loneliness (and who said I'm lonely? I still have my family and friends), even befriend with it. But I can't stand the heart-ache, not anymore. How should I count how many times I got broken? Like Ingrid Michaelson said in her song: "I'm a gallery of broken hearts." Yes, I am. I'm not afraid of being single, I already have many plans about my life and my career in the future.

I never regret any thing I had in the past, I know they happened to me for my goodness and even it look sucks, yes, it's the best thing that could (or should) happened to me. I even want to say thank you to some guys who hurt me, because after that, they could get out from my life. And I really enjoy my balance state now. I'm very happy with my condition now, I feel so grateful for every little things I have, for every love I had from my family and friend. I dont want to disrupt this balance, by having any fake happiness with the risk of being fooled and being disappointed again.

I told all these to my friend.

And she answered it.

We've discussed and discussed. We talked and we listened to each other for hours. And here are the points which I get:

- Allah wont broken His promise. He said clearly that good man only for good woman. Dont ever doubt it. He already determined who's your mate, since when you were in your womb's mother. Somehow, in this world or the next world, you'll gonna meet him/her. He's not perfect, just like you are, but you are perfect for each other. And yes, who are you, could doubt what already written in Quran?
- No, you couldn't set the target when and what age you'll gonna be married (when there's no one yet to make the marriage plan :p), but what you could determine is when you are gonna be ready to be married, mentally :)
- As a woman, what could you do to prepare? Let Allah do the promise. Be good. Be better each day first. And like I said before, prepare yourself. Learn what marriage is, in Islam's point of view. Menikah itu adalah salah satu bentuk ibadah, dan sama seperti ibadah lain, di dalamnya ada hukum dan tata cara lain sebagai panduannya. Learn it! :)
- About my balance state, my friend said that it's actually good. She said that means I already could be happy with my self, not dependent to any one. Here's the logic, How could other person make you happy when even yourself could not make it? Yes, That's one of the form of stability you need mentally before you get married, actually.
- Why? She said to me: "Don't be married with someone because you want to be happy, but instead, married because you want to make his/her happy." When you are married because you want to be happy, let say that you are in minus state. Even worse, what if your partner in the same condition as you? Minus plus minus, what could you get?
- And for last point, I just want to write what she said, not summarize it:
"Setinggi-tinggi nya karir yang dapat dicapai, semua itu tak akan lengkap untuk seorang perempuan, bila dia belum menjadi ibu. Mungkin yang kita lakukan sampai saat ini, belajar, sekolah setinggi-tingginya, bukan untuk karir kita saja, tapi juga untuk meng-upgrade diri kita menjadi ibu dengan kualitas yang baik, agar kita dapat mendidik anak-anak kita sehingga menjadi bagian dari generasi yang lebih baik."
I second that! Me and her were born from the hard-worker and career women, who always busy since we were baby, and when we were child, we saw that our mom left the house in the morning and got home in the night. The ones that cooked our meals mostly are not our mom. But despite the conditions, we feel so lucky to have our mom, our SMART mom, who taught us many things and set us in higher benchmarks than any other kids. We wont be here - we wont be as we are now - if not because of them, who fortunately decide to get married and not just stay focused to their careers.


Okay. I wont "blablabla" anymore, in conclusion, I want to say that our conversation that night had really opened me and changed my mind.

:)

Holiday form

Place: The Woodlands, Texas, USA.

Periode: 20 July - 18 August, 2010.

Comment: I love BEING here. Or more correctly - LIVING here.

Wish: Come back to this country in another time - but not for holiday.

Confession

I've been in denial for all this time.

I have to admit that from all of them,

You're the only one who could leave a hole in my heart with the longest time,

Usually I could heal and fix any damage easily,

but for this one,

even my logic and my pride couldn't overcome it.


I could only stop the bleed for a while,

not closing the wound.

I never knew that missing someone so badly could hurt yourself so much.