My sanctuary

I went back to my home at Saturday afternoon, mainly for celebrating eidul Adha.

And I already came back to Jatinangor this morning because there was lectures at 1 o'clock.

Huuh.

I really enjoyed my time with my family, being in home was almost like in a sanctuary.
When I was on my way to Jakarta, I carried heavy loads in my heart and my mind.
After 24 hours spending time in home, they were seems to be vanished like a mist.

I could really laugh, from the deepest of my heart.
I could really smile, not a fake one like I used to show to everyone recently.

Now I'm back with my loneliness, only accompanied by my room which becomes a silent witness for what I have done everyday.

The heavy loads are appearing again,
seducing me to let out the glimpse of tears from my eyes,
seducing me to scream and run to nowhere.


I wanna go home, again.
I need my sanctuary, now.

A Prayer

Tuhanku…

Aku berdoa untuk seorang pria yang akan menjadi bagian dari hidupku,
Seseorang yang mencintaimu lebih dari segala sesuatu,
Seorang pria yang akan meletakkanku pada posisi kedua di hatinya setelah Engkau,
Seorang pria yang hidup bukan untuk dirinya sendiri tetapi untukMu.

Wajah tampan dan daya tarik fisik tidaklah penting, yang penting adalah sebuah hati yang sungguh mencintai dan dekat dengan Engkau.
Engkau berusaha menjadikan sifat-sifat Mu ada pada dirinya,
dan ia haruslah mengetahui bagi siapa dan untuk apa dia hidup sehingga hidupnya tidaklah sia-sia.

Seseorang yang memiliki hati yang bijak tidak hanya otak yang cerdas.
Seorang pria yang tidak hanya mencintaiku tapi juga menghormatiku.
Seorang pria yang tidak hanya memujaku tetapi juga dapat menasihatiku ketika aku berbuat salah, Seseorang yang mencintaiku bukan karena kecantikanku tapi karena hatiku.
Seorang pria yang dapat menjadi sahabat terbaikku dalam setiap waktu dan situasi,
Seseorang yang dapat membuatku sebagai seorang wanitanya ketika aku di sisinya.

Tuhanku,

Aku tidak meminta seseorang yang sempurna,
Berikanlah seseorang yang tidak sempurna,sehingga aku dapat membuatnya sempurna di mataMu,
Seorang pria yang membutuhkan dukunganku sebagai peneguhnya,
Seorang pria yang membutuhkan doaku untuk kehidupannya,
Seseorang yang membutuhkan senyumku untuk mengatasi kesedihannya,
Sseseorang yang membutuhkan diriku untuk menjadi sempurna…

Tuhanku…

Aku juga meminta, buatlah aku menjadi seorang wanita yang dapat membuatnya bangga, Berikan aku hati yang sungguh mencintaiMu sehingga aku dapat mencintanya dengan sekedar cintaku,
Berikanlah sifat yang lembut sehingga kecantikanku datang dariMu,
Berikanlah aku tangan sehingga aku selalu mampu berdoa untuknya,
Berikanlah aku penglihatan sehingga aku dapat melihat banyak hal baik dan bukan hal buruk dalam dirinya,
Berikanlah aku lisan yang penuh dengan kata-kata bijaksana, mampu memberikan semangat serta mendukungnya setiap saat dan tersenyum untuk dirinya setiap pagi.

Dan bilamana akhirnya kami akan bertemu, aku berharap kami berdua dapat mengatakan, “Betapa Mahabesarnya Engkau karena telah memberikan kepadaku pasangan yang dapat membuat hidupku menjadi sempurna.”

Aku mengetahui bahwa Engkau ingin kami bertemu pada waktu yang tepat dan Engkau akan membuat segala sesuatunya indah pada waktu yang telah Engkau tentukan.

Amin….

(This was taken form my friend's blog, Adelin Dhivi. She also took this writing from somewhere, but she forgot the source =D Actually I want to translate this one too, but in the middle of the process I became lazy to continue it... hahaha. Whoever made this writing, I really thankful to her. And I hope Allah could make this prayer come true to me... Amiin)

A little Heart ache (again) today

Few minutes ago,

I saw something which I don't expect at all ..

That photo.

I really hate it.

Why should he put it in that way?
What does he mean?

Am I just too stupid these days?
Or maybe he's (not the same person as above, of course) right...

I remember the text message which he sent to me couple of days ago...
" I have a feeling you will letting it flow instead control it. Please, stop it. You will regret, I'm warning you...."


Should I stop it now?
Or what?

Where did my baby go?

John Legend isn't my favourite singer.
I just love his phenomenal song, "Ordinary People".
That's my song when I was stress and hectic of university entering examination preparation in 2005. One part of the chorus of the song kept remain in my head at that time:
"We're just ordinary people, we dont know which way to go...."

(Actually the whole meaning of the song didn't relate at all with my situation xp )

In February 2008, when I followed Padjajaran Medical Fair, I sat next to Navy.
He brought his ipod and I wanted to copy his songs from there.
When I scrolled down the list on his iTunes and found songs from John Legend, I asked him to choose the most easy listening and catchy ones.

He picked "Save Room", "Maxine" and "Where did my baby go".

I like the first two, but I stucked at the last song.
I dont know the reason why I like it, it's just....
The mood of this song really hit me every time I hear it.
I could feel the emotion that John Legend tried to say by this song....

I showed this song to my two friends and ask them to hear it.
But they said:
"Oh my god, this song is so pathetic."
"So slow and so sad. Why are you like this song?"

Weeew. Maybe it's better not to tell them -_-"

This morning, I listened again to this song and I searched the lyric.
And here are the part of its:

Where did my baby go?
I wonder where she ran off to
I miss my baby so I'm calling but I can't get through
Please tell that girl if you meet her
That someone's longing to see her
Where did my baby go? I wish that she would get back soon (get back soon)

I'm searching for the lover I knew
Have you seen her? Where did she go?
Feels like I've just lost my only friend
Flames subsided, colors faded
Love just got so complicated
Wish that I could see her smile again
So if you see her out there,
tell her I'm still here
Waiting for the day when she will reappear


After I read it,
I just got more stunned. Really stunned.

No need to tell the reason here.
So don't ask me why.