You such a chemotherapy. You helped me - in one of the darkest times in my life. But u gave me very unfavorable side effects which I had to endured by my self. And you already left. Totally.
I could only sense your presence in virtual world, and when it happened, I became reminded when you weren't a stranger to me, and it kinda make me sad, because now we already back into the same level before we know each other, stranger. Plus the awkwardness between us, that of course couldn't be broken, unless you want it.
I feel the urge to make you become "the non-existence" for me. Erasing every single trace that could lead me back to reach you.
Sent from BlackBerry® on 3
Kamis, 16 Desember 2010
Minggu, 12 Desember 2010
Deep talk at night shift.
What could be more relieving than a wise friend to listen and talk to you when you really need to get out "mass" that stucks in your head?
Let's say that there are statements in my head recently. It hadn't come out from thinking just about few days, but rather as the result of all the processes which happened to me since years ago.
I'm thinking that If I dont meet someone who really good and like I want, I dont want to be married. Best or nothing. I even become reluctant to open my heart again for someone, when there's no guarantee at all that I wont get hurt again.Here are the situation: I really could handle the loneliness (and who said I'm lonely? I still have my family and friends), even befriend with it. But I can't stand the heart-ache, not anymore. How should I count how many times I got broken? Like Ingrid Michaelson said in her song: "I'm a gallery of broken hearts." Yes, I am. I'm not afraid of being single, I already have many plans about my life and my career in the future.
I never regret any thing I had in the past, I know they happened to me for my goodness and even it look sucks, yes, it's the best thing that could (or should) happened to me. I even want to say thank you to some guys who hurt me, because after that, they could get out from my life. And I really enjoy my balance state now. I'm very happy with my condition now, I feel so grateful for every little things I have, for every love I had from my family and friend. I dont want to disrupt this balance, by having any fake happiness with the risk of being fooled and being disappointed again.
I told all these to my friend.
And she answered it.
We've discussed and discussed. We talked and we listened to each other for hours. And here are the points which I get:
- Allah wont broken His promise. He said clearly that good man only for good woman. Dont ever doubt it. He already determined who's your mate, since when you were in your womb's mother. Somehow, in this world or the next world, you'll gonna meet him/her. He's not perfect, just like you are, but you are perfect for each other. And yes, who are you, could doubt what already written in Quran?
- No, you couldn't set the target when and what age you'll gonna be married (when there's no one yet to make the marriage plan :p), but what you could determine is when you are gonna be ready to be married, mentally :)
- As a woman, what could you do to prepare? Let Allah do the promise. Be good. Be better each day first. And like I said before, prepare yourself. Learn what marriage is, in Islam's point of view. Menikah itu adalah salah satu bentuk ibadah, dan sama seperti ibadah lain, di dalamnya ada hukum dan tata cara lain sebagai panduannya. Learn it! :)
- About my balance state, my friend said that it's actually good. She said that means I already could be happy with my self, not dependent to any one. Here's the logic, How could other person make you happy when even yourself could not make it? Yes, That's one of the form of stability you need mentally before you get married, actually.
- Why? She said to me: "Don't be married with someone because you want to be happy, but instead, married because you want to make his/her happy." When you are married because you want to be happy, let say that you are in minus state. Even worse, what if your partner in the same condition as you? Minus plus minus, what could you get?
- And for last point, I just want to write what she said, not summarize it:
"Setinggi-tinggi nya karir yang dapat dicapai, semua itu tak akan lengkap untuk seorang perempuan, bila dia belum menjadi ibu. Mungkin yang kita lakukan sampai saat ini, belajar, sekolah setinggi-tingginya, bukan untuk karir kita saja, tapi juga untuk meng-upgrade diri kita menjadi ibu dengan kualitas yang baik, agar kita dapat mendidik anak-anak kita sehingga menjadi bagian dari generasi yang lebih baik."
I second that! Me and her were born from the hard-worker and career women, who always busy since we were baby, and when we were child, we saw that our mom left the house in the morning and got home in the night. The ones that cooked our meals mostly are not our mom. But despite the conditions, we feel so lucky to have our mom, our SMART mom, who taught us many things and set us in higher benchmarks than any other kids. We wont be here - we wont be as we are now - if not because of them, who fortunately decide to get married and not just stay focused to their careers.
Okay. I wont "blablabla" anymore, in conclusion, I want to say that our conversation that night had really opened me and changed my mind.
:)
Let's say that there are statements in my head recently. It hadn't come out from thinking just about few days, but rather as the result of all the processes which happened to me since years ago.
I'm thinking that If I dont meet someone who really good and like I want, I dont want to be married. Best or nothing. I even become reluctant to open my heart again for someone, when there's no guarantee at all that I wont get hurt again.Here are the situation: I really could handle the loneliness (and who said I'm lonely? I still have my family and friends), even befriend with it. But I can't stand the heart-ache, not anymore. How should I count how many times I got broken? Like Ingrid Michaelson said in her song: "I'm a gallery of broken hearts." Yes, I am. I'm not afraid of being single, I already have many plans about my life and my career in the future.
I never regret any thing I had in the past, I know they happened to me for my goodness and even it look sucks, yes, it's the best thing that could (or should) happened to me. I even want to say thank you to some guys who hurt me, because after that, they could get out from my life. And I really enjoy my balance state now. I'm very happy with my condition now, I feel so grateful for every little things I have, for every love I had from my family and friend. I dont want to disrupt this balance, by having any fake happiness with the risk of being fooled and being disappointed again.
I told all these to my friend.
And she answered it.
We've discussed and discussed. We talked and we listened to each other for hours. And here are the points which I get:
- Allah wont broken His promise. He said clearly that good man only for good woman. Dont ever doubt it. He already determined who's your mate, since when you were in your womb's mother. Somehow, in this world or the next world, you'll gonna meet him/her. He's not perfect, just like you are, but you are perfect for each other. And yes, who are you, could doubt what already written in Quran?
- No, you couldn't set the target when and what age you'll gonna be married (when there's no one yet to make the marriage plan :p), but what you could determine is when you are gonna be ready to be married, mentally :)
- As a woman, what could you do to prepare? Let Allah do the promise. Be good. Be better each day first. And like I said before, prepare yourself. Learn what marriage is, in Islam's point of view. Menikah itu adalah salah satu bentuk ibadah, dan sama seperti ibadah lain, di dalamnya ada hukum dan tata cara lain sebagai panduannya. Learn it! :)
- About my balance state, my friend said that it's actually good. She said that means I already could be happy with my self, not dependent to any one. Here's the logic, How could other person make you happy when even yourself could not make it? Yes, That's one of the form of stability you need mentally before you get married, actually.
- Why? She said to me: "Don't be married with someone because you want to be happy, but instead, married because you want to make his/her happy." When you are married because you want to be happy, let say that you are in minus state. Even worse, what if your partner in the same condition as you? Minus plus minus, what could you get?
- And for last point, I just want to write what she said, not summarize it:
"Setinggi-tinggi nya karir yang dapat dicapai, semua itu tak akan lengkap untuk seorang perempuan, bila dia belum menjadi ibu. Mungkin yang kita lakukan sampai saat ini, belajar, sekolah setinggi-tingginya, bukan untuk karir kita saja, tapi juga untuk meng-upgrade diri kita menjadi ibu dengan kualitas yang baik, agar kita dapat mendidik anak-anak kita sehingga menjadi bagian dari generasi yang lebih baik."
I second that! Me and her were born from the hard-worker and career women, who always busy since we were baby, and when we were child, we saw that our mom left the house in the morning and got home in the night. The ones that cooked our meals mostly are not our mom. But despite the conditions, we feel so lucky to have our mom, our SMART mom, who taught us many things and set us in higher benchmarks than any other kids. We wont be here - we wont be as we are now - if not because of them, who fortunately decide to get married and not just stay focused to their careers.
Okay. I wont "blablabla" anymore, in conclusion, I want to say that our conversation that night had really opened me and changed my mind.
:)
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